In the age when there is an overload of information, it is important to make sure what children hear about Corona Virus(covid-19) is in fact reliable and the sources are dependable. In this blog, the author has talked about her experience of parenting in a pandemic (COVID-19) and has given tips to parents that has helped her navigate through the situation.
Ring around the roses, Pocket full of posies, Ashes Ashes we all fall down!
There is another really eerie version from ancient Britain, and it goes as follows:
Ring-a-ring-a-roses, A pocket full of posies, A-tishoo! A-tishoo! We all fall down.
The rhyme has origins in the Bubonic and Pneumonic plague of 1665 in London. The roses refer to the red spots a patient got on the whole body, and we all know what sound one makes when there is a sneeze. Hundred years on and the pictures from the 1920s do not seem alien anymore.
How do you tell your kids how the world has changed since 2019?
I have three small kids, and nothing is easy, plague or no plague. The fact that got most of us, though, was the quarantine, and as I type today, staring at the window that school starts Monday. Every day we were all stuck with nothing to do with each other. And then there were the husbands. Who needs 2-3 mothers-in-law (no offence), and on the other side of the fence, the husbands/ brothers/ fathers had a hard time justifying that what they did on PC was indeed work.
The “virus” was everywhere. The only place it was not at was in the air, although not much can be said about the epsilon variant. The look of fright on faces about to go out, the mobile charging stations at the house’s entry, treatment of shoes like the virus sat on them. Then there were the numbers, the numbing details of the disease. 5G! yes, somewhere along the way, peoples’ imagination ran rampant as people sought after the simplest of explanations.
Through all the madness, which seems perpetual now, we are blessed to be humans to be adaptable to accept and live. Through it all, there were the small eyes, the young minds wondering when they will go to school, why they cannot go out or why Mother or Father keep on washing their hands? What is with all the toilet paper?
Sometimes I wish it was the 90s. When I was a kid, there was one TV, there was a phone on the wall, and that’s it! Parents were the sole source of information, the source one looked up to or the grapevine at school that largely comprised of captain planet. But we do not live in such a world. Sometimes I wonder whether this is what my parents meant when they said, “you’ll see when you will have kids of your own!”
Was it this difficult?
Parenting During Pandemic: Remain Calm
How do you tell your kids that you are afraid or their father is in isolation? The disease will not kill him maybe; maybe not, or that they cannot go near their grandmother.
There are a few things to keep in mind when you talk to your kid’s ages 4 and above. As my 3-year-old thankfully still enjoys her world. As parents, we have to remember that children pick up on their parent’s worries. Speak calmly and reassuringly. So when you talk about COVID-19 and the news, use a calm voice and try not to seem upset.
If there is anything I have left out, please feel free to contribute in the comments. So two years back, when the first lockdown happened. I tried to mellow the blow and obviously did not fully tell them what was going on. I did tell them that it is a bad disease and it is killing many people. For me personally, the rest of the job was done by the school. But I tried to answer all their questions. No! not the marathon my 9-year-old subjected me to. As many of you can imagine, the children of this age group are relentless.
This was not the only change poor children well, more like everyone was subjected to. The “zoom” platform, online everything- suddenly, for those working from home, work seems to have no end if they were not laid off already. The teachers suddenly had to learn how to teach online. The children were forced to sit in front of a screen and take online classes, submit an online assignment. Any kindergartener and their parents wanted to run away from each other, but where to? Since the virus was outside.
1. Acceptance and Adaptability
Acceptance and Adaptability were and still is the main crux of the solution. I will not claim that current times are a walk in the park, but there is no use denying it and or hiding away from it. The virus will be here for the near future, and we must accept the reality. The calmer we are about the changes happening, the better it is for the children because remember that communication is part verbal and a whole lot of non-verbal. Children have a strong sense of distress, which will force them to retreat from their fears.
Acknowledge their fears and feelings. Assure them that it is natural to feel scared about such situations. Be honest during the entire interaction at the same time. Make sure that you are not leaving the children in a state of distress.
2. Routine
A routine is essential. As much as I hate online classes, they forced everyone to sleep on time and have some kind of balance is everything. Sleeping on time and some kind of indoor exercise, which for me involved dealing with my children (sigh!), but some form of exercise is necessary to tire everyone out.
3. Contact
Some form of contact with the outside world is mandatory. Nobody ever imagined before 2020 how precious contact will become, but it’s absolutely essential to maintain it, especially if someone is in quarantine or a lockdown situation.
4. Listen
No matter how hard it may seem but we have to realize that the children rely on us and solely us in uncertain times.
Listen, Listen, listen we do not need research to prove that in case of stress such as one of the family members in quarantine or God forbid someone passing away, for the children, the parents are the cornerstone of the support system who at that moment cannot catch a breath themselves.
If your kids do not seem interested or do not ask a lot of questions, that’s OK.
No matter how hard it may seem but we have to realize that the children rely on us and solely on us in uncertain times. I had to face a plethora of questions from my young ones, and I am not proud, but I put a limit on the number of questions to be asked when crisis struck at home. It is a herculean task, but the children are as much part of the household as everyone else, and they are entitled to information whether we like it or not. Not all children are the same. If your children are not asking a lot of questions- that is completely OKAY.
5. Sources of Information
Keep a check on their sources of information. The level of exposure children these days have to information is infinite. The routine harmless Leslie, Ryan, FIFI videos they all look up to these days carry the most dangerous of things. Although measures were taken globally to restrict any such information, nevertheless, parents must keep an eye on what their kids are doing online. The communication channels must be open enough for the kid to discuss it with you themselves, but we do not live in any fairy tales.
It is important to remember that if your child asks about something and you don’t know the answer, you can say so. Use the question as an opportunity to explore the possible answers together.
6. Spend Time with Children
Easier said than done for many people like me, but I read somewhere spending time with your children, not just parenting but just letting things get on while you just stay with the kids, is most important. It is this latter “non-parenting” part which sets this entire premise apart from the quarantine. The child needs you as their partner without judgment. This is one of the most difficult things that I have to go through as a parent, especially when you are stuck at home with each other. Mind you! There comes the point when despite being grateful, the stress of the unknown really gets you.
As we enter the time when vaccination has slowly become the big debate there will be a time when the virus will be a thing of the past and we have all been affected by it one way or the other. The important thing is to let our children heal from this trauma of change thrust upon all of us but it is human nature and we all will come through.
7. Give Children Space to Talk to You About their Fears and Concerns
These are unpredictable times, and as parents, it is our responsibility to give children the space that they need to share their fears and concerns. It is natural for kids to worry and come up with questions such as “Could I be next?” “Are my friends going to get it too?” “Am I never going to hug my grandparents ever again?”
- Let them express themselves and ask all these questions.
- Tell them that they can always come to you for answers or to talk about what scares them.
- Let them know you hear them and see them.
It is important to know when the children need guidance. Kids get news and information from different sources, especially older kids who go online. Let your children know age-appropriate content that’s reliable. So they don’t end up finding news shows or outlets that scare them or have incorrect information.
Together We Will Survive
I am not a psychologist, just a struggling mother of three, trying to get things under control and praying to return to the good old days. When things were not simpler but somewhat known, we have challenging and trying times ahead as there is more than just a virus out there. But it is human nature to survive and thrive after all and survive and thrive the COVID era we all must.
